244. Sound as a pound :)

Today i took Spice out for another 45 minute walk around the village and i am pleased to say that she is still 100% sound in both walk and trot :) It's now been 3.5 weeks since she came off of her antibiotics so i think it's pretty fair to assume that she is in the clear. Not sure how much all her treatment has cost me but she's worth every penny. I'm so pleased she's recovered. It's been a journey that i never ever want to go through again and hope that no other horse owner has to go through but in a way i think its made me appreciate her even more than i did before. With any luck i might even be able to get a cheeky ride in by the end of the week. :)

243. Rehab for me and Spice!

Today i took Spice out on a 45 minute walk around the village and she was as good as gold. I was almost scared that she might have forgotten my commands and that i'd have to start from scratch but she remembers everything :)

242. Perfect hooves for a perfect horse...

Walking across gravel.

241. Hooftastic! A year after being de-shod...

Today my barefoot trimmer came to trim Spices hooves and as always they are looking great. No abscessing, no chipping, no thrush nothing they are just perfect and so they should be after a full year of no shoes! Will definitely take some pictures when i next go up. Now all i need to do is get her using her them! :)

240. Getting my spark back...

Today i finally made it up to see Spice which was lovely. I turned her out and gave her a zillion kisses and she was as gentle and affectionate as ever. I even found out today that Charlotte the livery yard owners daughter has been turning her out, bringing her in, picking her hooves and grooming her every day and she is only 10 which shows just how gentle she is. Apparently she has also fallen in love with Spice.

Tomorrow Spice gets her hooves trimmed so as soon as they are done i am planning on bringing her back into work after 3 whole months off! Think i will start by walking her in hand 2-3 times a week and then taking her on some really short flat rides.

I can't wait to get back on her. I think two weeks of walking her in hand will be enough so with any luck i should be on her by the middle of next month. :)

239. Feeling torn...

I woke up this morning after yet another sleepless night wondering whether i would have enough energy to go up to see Spice and walk her out in hand (something i was supposed to do yesterday but couldn't due to tiredness). And it made me realise just how torn i feel. I love my baby but i also love my horse and at the moment it seems impossible to combine both :( I feel so guilty when i don't go up to see Spice - even though i know she is well cared for.

On a more positive note her hock seems to have finally healed and there doesn't seem to be any sign of infection still remaining which is great.

238. Missing my horse and my bump!

Today i went to visit Spice after not seeing her for 5 days. It's been exactly a week since she has came off of her antibiotics and so far so good so we are keeping our fingers crossed. I miss her so much and can't wait until i get into more of a routine with Dio so i am able to go up as often as i used to. Providing her leg stays good I am hoping that it wont be long until i can start riding her again. I never thought i'd say this but i really miss my bump and the massive amounts of energy i had whilst being pregnant. The excitement and anticipation of having a baby was really quite wonderful and now that excitement and energy have gone and been replaced with sleepless nights it leaves one feeling somewhat drained for instance today even the idea of mucking Spices stable out was too much even though i never missed a single day throughout my pregnancy.

237. Maternal instinct...

7 days since giving birth to my beautiful baby boy i find myself thinking about the attachment i have to Spice versus the attachment i have to my baby...and to be honest for me there is very little difference. I thought there would be but i still have exactly the same mindset when dealing with Spice as i do with Dio - to give them the best possible care i can. I have found it difficult to prioritise Dio over Spice but since it's a lot easier to look after a horse than it is a baby finding alternative care for her while i embrace motherhood has provided me with some much needed rest bite.

Five days of little or no sleep has left me feeling as though i am currently living on another planet - nothing short of the real thing can prepare you for motherhood and the tiredness that this entails. All i can say is that i now look at every parent on this earth in a very different light. I can't imagine a harder job role emotionally, physically and mentally and cannot believe at this present moment in time how on earth women have more than one child and definitely can't understand how/why my nona had 10! I am also at a loss as to how any single parent manages for i have no idea what i'd have done without my partner who beyond all my expectations has proved to be the best father and partner i could ever have hoped for.

I haven't been able to get up to see Spice for 2 days now due to feeling so tired but am hoping that one full nights sleep (luke is taking over the feeding for tonight) will provide me with enough energy to get into some sort of routine soon. Parenting is definitely a balancing act between taking care of yourself and taking care of your newborn. If you think about the whole thing it too much the responsibility seems almost overwhelming. The simple truth is they're solely reliant on you for their survival and this is something that is new to me for although having a horse is a big responsibility - if i suddenly dissappeared Spice would still survive. I guess in that way having a partner around to share the responsibility makes this realisation somewhat easier to deal with.

Anyway...enough of motherhood...Spice is still doing really well but we have decided to give her one last weeks worth of antibiotics since it is only in the last 2 weeks that she has been fully sound. So it will be another week or so before we know what the outcome is. I wont pretend that i am not dreading the time at which we take Spice off of her antibiotics for i know there is still a chance that the infection may not have entirely cleared. Which if being the case means only one thing.

I'm not sure how i would cope if this were to be the case especially due to the fact that at the moment i am not spending any time with her but i guess it does no good to worry about the worst case scenario...